The day after my father’s anger because of my delinquency (never entered class during class + went home before school) until I was banned from school again by my father and burned my bag and all my textbooks, I was playing on the ground beside the house alone, approached my father and. dad said:

Dad: Ven, why did you come home from school yesterday, then why are you playing alone and why don’t you go to your village and play with your friends? “Maybe the father used to feel strange with his son who always played alone, never played with his other friends”

I just shook my head… to answer my father’s question which I understood a little. at that time

Dad: haa… (just sighed looking at me. and he continued his words) Don’t be a bad boy so you have lots of friends. If you are naughty you will never have friends…

maybe when I was an adult I would have said “dad doesn’t know my difficulties with them… they approach me just to make fun of me as a weird kid, crazy etc. I don’t want to approach or be approached by them if it’s just to be ridiculed and made fun of”

but at that time I could only shed tears.

then my father took me on his lap and said

Dad: you are a special son … I am sure that now you can not speak fluently like other children but you will beat what they say now

…

(I feel something wet my head and dad’s voice is a little unclear and I feel dad’s chin shaking when he says those sentences)

Dad: you don’t stay away from them and don’t expect them to come to you, I’m sure they just don’t know you. and what if they already know you they will love you because you are special and there is no one like you in this world, father is still here and will be by your side guiding you until you grow up and I will try to teach you even though father is not a good teacher.

(the father raised his head and looked down again to see my face and wiped the tears from my little cheeks) I’m sure if you don’t have friends here you still have friends here.

(holds my chest) here (rubs my forehead) and there (points to a wide area and followed him with his big fingers) and hugged me again tighter. (At that time I didn’t know what the sifter meant by pointing at the rice fields and corn fields, could I be friends with rice fields and corn fields? how could it be “in my mind”)

and now I know dad… what do you mean and, dad now I have proven what you said but why didn’t you prove your promise that will accompany me and guide me to adulthood.

does not father love your son who can talk. My father is not mute, I can talk now … and you already have friends and even family

….

look I have grown into a teenager who will grow up. and look at me who almost forgot you. forget your good service that made me a BLUE VIVALDY. with your teachings. You are my teacher, life is just an examiner of your lessons…

Seventeen years father has left me….and I promise father, I will make the woman you love very happy and the woman who has raised me with struggles all this time….and my younger siblings